You can download a slightly better resolution pdf of the above image FOR FREE using the internet:
https://aloneinthelabyrinth.itch.io/sofinhos-spicy-hot-takes-alternative-rules-generator
Alternatively, cut and paste this table and print it yourself without going to another website.
“Okay, okay so: what if….”
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...instead of...
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...we simply...
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1
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...CHARACTER SHEETS...
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1
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...use jungian archetypes.
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2
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...SEARCHING FOR SECRET DOORS...
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2
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...search for obvious windows.
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3
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...DEATH AT 0 HP...
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3
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...make characters quantum immortals.
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4
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...RANDOM ENCOUNTERS...
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4
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...say that everything’s going to be just fine.
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5
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...SPELLS...
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5
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...recognise the right to believe in pseudoscience even if (or because) it expedites humanity’s inevitable extinction.
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6
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...LEVELS...
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6
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...kill all characters to which players have become attached.
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7
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....MONSTERS...
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7
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...embody our subconscious fears in a more subtle manner.
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8
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...SAVING THROWS...
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8
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... discuss a range of possible outcomes and take a vote on the one which “best serves the fiction”.
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9
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...SKILL CHECKS...
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9
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...play “The Game”, not some platonic ideal, but “The Game”, the one we’re always playing but if you remember you are playing it you automatically lose. Which means we all just lost.
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10
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...EXPERIENCE POINTS...
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10
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...tune a shortwave radio to the nearest numbers station and interpret whatever message is broadcast accordingly.
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11
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...CLASSES...
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11
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...escalate the CLASS WAR!
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12
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...PERCEPTION CHECKS...
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12
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...fart into jars and try to identify which fart belongs to which player.
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13
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...TURN BASED COMBAT...
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13
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...hold a bake-off (in game or out of game, roll 1d2 to decide which).
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14
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...ROLLING FOR INITIATIVE...
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14
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...interpret the entrails of a recently deceased animal.
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15
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...THE CLASSIC 6 ABILITY SCORES...
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15
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..improvise a ballet inspired by James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake
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16
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...HIT POINTS...
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16
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...cut off a digit.
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17
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...CORE RULE BOOKS...
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17
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...ask everyone to bring their favourite piece of literature to the table and together construct a new fictive reality.
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18
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...ROLLING DICE...
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18
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...we each stick our respective heads in our respective ovens.
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19
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...a GAMEMASTER...
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19
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...play trust exercises
with our genitals. |
20
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...PLAYERS
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20
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...use dogs.
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That's 400 hot takes right here! Damn!
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