Wednesday, 8 July 2020

46,656 CLASSES

Oh man, those professional RPG designers sure told me! Do I think I'm original because my "game" (which is just a typical rip-off of D&D) doesn't have classes or levels? How so? It was blatantly stolen from Spwack!

Honesty sometimes I make myself SICK.

I need to shuffle off and leave it to all the professionals until I've read every single RPG ever and have come up with a new resolution mechanic.

...but I know how much you hunger for content, and most of all you hunger for CLASSES.

(because there simply aren't enough of them out there!)

...and given that it might be a long time before I've ironed out all the creases in my all-new TWISTER based RPG (working setting concept: Boadicea in SPAAAAAACE!!!!)...

...I've decide to make some brand new classes for you.

46,656 classes, to be precise.

You require BUT ONE six-sided die, also known as a dice by normal people.

Roll 1d6 to find out your unique class's prime requisite:

  1. Constitution/stamina/endurance
  2. Strength/might/power
  3. Dexterity/acuity/skill
  4. Intelligence/reason/acuity (ha ha this one is rubbish)
  5. Wisdom/ intuition/ perception
  6. Charisma/ presence/ leadership/ luck
Randomly roll your stats. Your GM may allow you to swap them around so that your prime requisite is your highest.

They may not.

Roll for your hit die. This will determine your starting HP or health or whatever, or even other stuff. You may get to roll additional hit dice as you gain levels.
  1. TANKED 1d20 (this is probably OP, currently recruiting playtesters to determine whether 20 hp is too much for a 1st level character message me on discord bring beer).
  2. WELL 'ARD1d12
  3. BUFF 1d10
  4. TASTY1d8
  5. WIRY 1d6
  6. SQUISHY 1d4 (boo!)

Level progression

  1. AGGRO Gains +1 attack bonus per level
  2. INSPIRED Gains a divine spell slot every level
  3. SORCEROUS Gains an arcane spell slot every level
  4. SNEAKY Gains +1 to attack every even level but is also gets +1d6 backstab every 3 levels
  5. CHIVALROUS Gains +1 to attack every odd level and a divine spell every even level
  6. BARDIC Learns a new song on their chosen musical instrument every level.
Special feature
  1. HACK 'N'SLASHING Proficient with all martial weapons.
  2. SHARP SHOOTIN' Proficient with all ranged weapons.
  3. ANIMAL WHISPERIN' Proficient with all domestic animals.
  4. MANY-TONGUED Proficient in most known languages.
  5. MANY-FORKED Proficient in all forms of cutlery. 
  6. SATURDAY-JOBBING Proficient with Microsoft Office Suite. 

Annoying restriction
  1. LUDDITE Hates magic items (except weapons) and will attempt to destroy them on sight.
  2. SELECTIVE PACIFIST Cannot use edged/piercing/ranged weapons (pick one) while benefiting from special feature(s).
  3. SKIRMISHER Can only wear light armour. Cannot use shields.
  4. GLASS Cannot wear any armour or use shields.
  5. BOUND Magically bound to a particular ethical crede, and receives mutations every time this crede is violated.
  6. UNDEAD You will never know the comfort of the grave and are doomed to wander the earth eternally. You may not enter holy places. At 0 HP your body crumbles to dust and your ghost looks for a new body to inhabit (sort this out with your GM I can't be bothered right now).
Other special feature

  1. ACOLYTE Member of a guild/college/holy order/church etc.
  2. TRUSTEE Has a wealthy patron.
  3. PAWN Has a temporal patron.
  4. PROPHET Has a spiritual patron.
  5. CULTIST Has a demonic patron.
  6. BUTT MONKEY Is often patronised.
To find out my unique character class, I roll 6d6: 4, 5, 1 , 2, 4, 2... in other words a TASTY CHIVALROUS HACK 'N' SLASHING GLASS TRUSTEE... sort of a paladin that can't wear armour, but their divine magic is somehow tied to their bond with their wealthy trustee. A paladin of a merchant-god? A caravan guard?

Ok. Leave me in peace now.


  1. Replies
    1. Speak of the spwack and his spwadow spontaneously appears!

  2. I'm a tad disappointed that from the 46,656 options I basically got a by-the-books Paladin: POWERFUL TANKED CHIVALROUS SHARP SHOOTIN' BOUND PROPHET

    1. How is my character going to layout religious pamphlets without Office expertise?

    2. The age-old question... the answer to which will be revealed in the next update! Do you wish to enter sleep mode mid-sermon?

  3. Somebody's going to ruin this with a "hack" that lets you "roll 6d6, arrange to taste"

  4. This is really good - inspiring, even.

    It would be ideal for short-circuiting the bit I dislike of point-buy, build-minded chargen games.

    1. Thanks. It's my most commented upon post apart from the drugs/creativity one!